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Jan. 28th, 2011

Uruz

(no subject)

I've been suffering the fate of Northern Minnesotans everywhere--It is January 28th, thaw is months off, and I am already dreaming of spring.
It isn't my fault--the weather has gotten really warm, like upper 20s above zero, and we've had some actual meltwater in the air. It isn't enough to do more than to make the snow a little slushy, but the moisture content in the air was way up and it smelled so good, almost enough to drown out the scent of the major roadway that runs right past my apartment.
And so I am hankering after spring. And, of course, as a super-taster with a strong sense of smell, that hankering takes the form of food cravings and remembered smells.
Spring smells like water and has an astringent bite. It is sharp and tangy like baby greens and goat cheese, and it is rich and creamy like runny egg yolks.
But it is snowing again today, and this weekend is when the cold gets really intense. Again. I plan to stay inside and battle my wits with a sewing pattern. I am used to turning 2D objects into 3D objects--string to whole, shaped cloth as I knit it--but that happens at a much, much slower pace than sewing. Sewing is terrifyingly fast. It'll have to be, though, to get my outfit done in time for the Belegarth event I am attending on the weekend of the 19th of February. Oh shit that's happening fast. D8
I'm also back on the wagon with my tarot cards. Today is the six of pentacles, which fits my mood very well. The Six of Pentacles reminds me today that the world is made up of cycles, and it has its own rhythm. Some parts of the pattern may be more appealing to me than others--the shower of gold coins, the new green flush of life rising up to meet it--but the thorns and the grey stone edifice are just as vital to the cycle. I think I am ready to be done with winter, but the world isn't. I will appreciate the snow and its smells for what they are, and take joy in the coming of the light again. Six days to Imbolc, or Candlemas, or St. Brigid's day, or My Buddy Scott's Birthday (it is a required holiday, it seems. So many cultures celebrate it!) and then I can truly believe in the return of the Sun again. In the words of my favorite author, Lois McMaster Bujold "We'll light the candles new, and try again".
But as for today, I'm cheating a little and eating out-of-season foods. Mmmmm, light salads and hard boiled eggs. Now if only I had cold asparagus to put on it!

Jan. 20th, 2011

Uruz

(no subject)

 Hoorah, it is Thursday! I only have one class today and I don't work! Hoorah! Too bad I have that class in 40 minutes, so I can't make a super-involved blog post. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter as long as I do it.
So that whole diet thing I'm trying to do...Well, I wasn't good yesterday. I skipped breakfast because I was tired, then didn't go to lunch at school because I was tired. I ended up eating a little. I think at 9 when I got off work I had eaten around 500 calories that day. So I was understandably hungry, and tired, and irritated with feeling tired and hungry. So I went to the short-order cafe and got a big cheesy grilled cheese sandwich (with veggies....doesn't really compensate, lol) and french fries. And I dipped those fries in mayo and ranch. Yeah... But today is a new day! I still don't think I'll get breakfast in, whoops.... But I'm going to try to be more responsible. And I get to eat both meals at DS today, so that makes calorie counting a little easier, even if French Fry Temptation is RIGHT THERE D8

Also: Tarot! I drew the Queen of Wands today, which has got to be some kind of good omen after a week of fives. The Queen is serene and energized, playing her harp strung on a living dryad tree while foxes and birds watch. I'd like to catch the Queen's energy today. Because while the Queen is very lovely, what makes her a queen, what makes her beautiful, is her living energy. And here I am, in this more lumpen, clay-like body, but if I have her energy I can still be beautiful. So that's my goal for today, to live in a way that draws that energy to me. Anger, annoyance and hatred drive off that kind of energy. Please let me be kind and patient today. 

Jan. 19th, 2011

Uruz

(no subject)

 So I'm posting this at roughly the same time as I usually have (over the last two days, what a streak!) but it feels a lot later to me because I got up at 7 and had lab from 8 to 9:40. Except I got out at 9:25ish but, never mind that. I was not feeling up to doing my tarot or eating breakfast or basically anything but reading webcomics, and since it was so early and I am so lazy, I just went with that. I'm not eating breakfast today because I'm meeting a friend for a leisurely lunch at 11, but I am a little disappointed in myself for not eating breakfast. I've never liked eating breakfast because I tend to be kind of nauseated if I get up too early, like I did in high school, and then in college I could get up later, but no one is around to nag me. I am notoriously bad at nagging myself. 
Berating after the fact? Sure. But not nagging until I do something. 
Which is actually pretty topical, because today I drew the Five of Wands. Must not be a great week around here or something, I keep drawing all these fives...
Anyway, the five of wands in the Shadowscapes deck shows a pack of foxes surging over each other in pursuit of a hare, while a shirtless blonde guy is charging through the midst of the foxes. The top of his staff (or wand, I guess) is glowing somewhat. Three directions are springing out at me from this card. On the one hand, the book suggests placing your point of view with the shirtless dude, who is persevering through the flood of foxes on to his eventual goal. One fox (or problem! It is a metaphor you see!) wouldn't be a huge deal, they aren't very big, but when you have something like the twenty goddamn foxes you can see in the card, that's a little bit more of an issue. But he gets the adrenaline rush of facing your problems head on and realizes how cool is he by charging through all his fox-problems. I should be more like that blonde shirtless guy. Charging through my problems and tasks would lead to better outcomes than letting them slip by un-conquered.
But! You could also use the point of view of the hare. She is quick and sure-footed and her bottom has been blessed and all that, but there's still like twenty goddamn foxes like a foot away from her. And this blonde shirtless guy that I'm sure is supposed to look brave and confident and everything is running the other way. This person who probably should help her, or at least clock a few of the foxes with his staff, is worried about his problems and is running the other direction. I can sympathize with the hare in this one. 
And then there's the foxes on the card. Like goddamn twenty of them or some shit, I dunno. They're all intent on this one little hare that is running away from them, and even if they catch it, none of them is going to be really satisfied by this one measly hare. But they're all charging in blindly, clambering over each other and climbing up these really unstable looking staves stuck in the ground. One of them (at least) will probably get badly hurt in hunting this worthless rabbit. I don't know exactly where I'm going with this but it feels significant. I give up on being away for the next 45 minutes or so, but I made this post. Good enough. 

Jan. 18th, 2011

Uruz

(no subject)

 So here we go, Tuesday morning. I had my night course last night again, and that went better than expected. Bullshitted my way through leading a discussion with my group of three people for an hour, but Catch-22 is a book you can talk about a lot. I need to get a hold of a copy of <u>Where Eagles Dare</u>, which is about Nazis and fighter pilots and stuff I guess? There was a swastika on the cover of the teacher's copy.

Oh! I also found my favorite spindle that had been missing since Thanksgiving! I had, of course, put it away somewhere safe. That's always what happens to me. But I have my favorite spindle back (and all the spinning I did on it), and that is what counts. I think I'll switch my merino/tencel blend over to that spindle, but I'll probably keep it spindle-spun. I like the extra control I have with a spindle. 

So the card I drew for today is the 5 of pentacles. While 5 is my favorite number, in the tarot it is an unbalanced number that is generally not positive. The 5 of pentacles signifies despair, especially in the face of those who seem better or more successful than you, as well as wallowing in self pity and denying the body what it wants or needs. It is also spiritual poverty. While this obviously has multiple levels of commentary on my life, the first one that occurs to me is denying the body what it needs. I pulled this card reversed, so all the meanings get skewed a little, and I just started this diet that had me shaking hungry last night until I let myself have a snack. So I am denying my body what it needs, but it is important to remember that I the body I live in right now isn't the body I have always lived in and I will live in a different body in the future. You can't step into a river twice and all that philosophy. So I'm not feeding the body that I have now, but I am feeding the body that I would rather have. It isn't necessarily pleasant, but it isn't as dire as it seems at first blush.
The 5 of pentacles is also the card that makes the most sense to my own depression, so perhaps I need to be on the lookout towards my own feelings and instincts right now. My depression has always sabotaged my efforts towards everything, especially schoolwork. I need to do a lot better this semester, and my depression wants to keep me from doing that. So I need to watch out for the grasping thorn vines that would hold me back if they could and remember that I am not alone. 
Yeah, I think that's all I've got today. I need coffee. 

Jan. 17th, 2011

Uruz

New beginnings and daily tarot

 Okay, so this is a little belated if this is a new year's resolution, but hey, any time I get started is a good time, right?
I'm started up again with a diet plan--spark people, which is online and not a bad tool for calorie monitoring and recipes and stuff (so specific, lol). 
But! In an effort for this to be the semester that I start getting things together (at the eleventh hour) I want to do more than just shed a few pounds. I'm not going to talk about my school work here, that would be boring. Suffice to say that I have read way more of Catch-22 than I ever thought I would. I am also endeavoring to have a little bit of meditative thought each morning, and since I got a new tarot deck for Giftmas, that's going to be my focus/inspiration/tool. 
Today, appropriately enough (with all these new beginnings and shit) is the Ace of Cups.
I got the Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law, which is lovely and I highly recommend it, both for its luminous watercolor art and attention to detail, but also the book that goes along with it. It is kind of nice to have a reference to the established symbolism of the cards and not just my own impressions. If I only wanted my own impressions, I might as well go look at clouds for free. Or, at least, if we had individual clouds right now and not just this awful grey shroud hanging over the town. MOAR SNO? YAY D8
In any case--The Ace of Cups. Cups is the suite of emotions and intuitions. Just as a cup of water can be used to find imperceptible tremors, and the tide is influenced by the moon however far away it is, the Ace of Cups is the first stirrings of new beginnings and all the potential that they hold. It is the Grail of Wisdom, and I am also getting really strong impressions of the sacred well in the city Ys, long sunk beneath the ocean. The card pictures some goldfish guarding the Ace of Cups, but to me, today, it is the inattentive priestess who caused the city to sink. She didn't attend to her duties and suffered the consequences, but there was also a measure of divine mercy. She did not drown, but was instead transformed into a salmon to continue watching over the well. 
The salmon is the creature of wisdom in Celtic/British mythology. So, by a combination of our own failings and the grace of those around us do we become wise? I have certainly received enough grace that I have not deserved (but hey, definition of grace! yeah!)
So yeah, I "raise a glass" (to continue a pun) to new beginnings. Cheers!

Jul. 20th, 2010

Uruz

(no subject)

So it's late here, and I work in the morning, but there seem to be a few things rattling around my head that would be worth writing down.
I spent a lot of time at a viking reenactment in my hometown this weekend, and it wasn't until things were literally shut down and packing up that I found both the courage and the time to go speak with the woman who is a wandering Norse Pagan shaman and get my runes read. It seems to have been worth it, though. I had my reading based on a single rune--Uruz or Ur, the one in my icon right now, and it seems to have been a very helpful reading with a lot for me to work through.
I don't want to go into why all this seems necessary for me right now, because it would take too long, but here's what I basically want to do: I want eliminate from my life what physical objects do not seem either useful or beautiful, and preferably both. It's not going to be easy, I can't imagine, but I'm going to do it as a long-term process. The first step is not buying anything for a while. 
Okay. Today is July 20. For one month, until August 20, I am going to not purchase anything physical that I don't need--things like new underwear and food are not included in this deal. But I have a whole lot of what I need right now, and it seems like what I really need is space. I might even try and write down every day that I'm doing this! Who knows--new journal, new habits...hopefully. See you tomorrow, Hippyblog.